If we’re honest, we can admit that life can be really hard. If we’re really honest, we can admit that the hard parts are often our own fault.
I am here to help.
Allow me to introduce you to the gloriously obscure Law of Holes.
First a note to qualify this whole thing: There are places on the internet where people have tried to expand the Law of Holes beyond where it can reasonably go. There are articles describing “The Five Laws of Holes” when - let’s be honest, friends - that is clearly impossible. Frankly, to even consider having more than two laws (unpacked below) associated with holes is to employ intellectual shenanigans of the highest order.
The First Law of Holes:If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
The First Law of Holes is hopeful and wonderful. It assigns a certain amount of agency to us as we realize our predicament and make a choice (autonomy!!) to improve our miserable lot by putting down our metaphorical shovel.
The First Law of Holes is also depressing and terrible because it needed to be stated out loud so that those of us who find ourselves in a hole from time to time don’t make it worse by attempting to dig our way out.
Guy 1: Hey man, what are you doing in that hole?
Guy 2: Just digging.
Guy 1: How much deeper are you trying to go?
Guy 2: Deeper? No, man, I’m trying to get out.
Guy 1: Put down the shovel.
Guy 2:
Now, our collective human stupidity has given us the need for a Law of Holes. And I want to remind you of this universal idiocy as I carefully unveil the Second Law of Holes to your now-wounded souls.
The Second Law of Holes:When you stop digging, you are still in a hole.
You see, it doesn’t really matter how you get in the hole. The fact is that you dug a deep hole for yourself and need to put down the shovel. And even after you have put down the shovel, you have not come close to solving the problem.
Because once you’re in a hole, even after you stop digging (thanks Law #1), you’re still in a hole (as per Law #2).
*Lots of married men are nodding grimly right now as they process a lifetime’s worth of marriage spats…
Guy 2: Thanks for that shovel advice, buddy.
Guy 1: No problem! *walks away whistling*
Guy 2: Welp. I am still in quite a hole.
Let’s recap:
When you’re in a hole, you’re in a hole.
Stop digging.
Enjoy your hole.
- KB
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PS - If you’re still reading, you’re a special person and probably very good looking if I do say so myself. Also, you’re probably the type of person that already owns my book of humiliating missionary stories from my time in South Africa. And you’d be the type of person who would like to know that this whole Law of Holes thing reminded me of a properly inglorious moment from my African journey. So, at some point in the coming weeks, I’ll share it here. Here’s an emoji preview: 😎🛞😳🤦♂️😔
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