No One Really Likes Turkey

Thinking through why we save certain (mediocre?) things for holidays…

Ok, I’ll admit it. I know that headline was a little click-baity.

People like turkey. You might even claim to love turkey. (Even though we both know that you don’t really like turkey because you only eat it once a year and even then you smother it in gravy to hide its desiccated blandness.)

But why , if we so love this national symbol of masochistic gluttony, do we save turkey for Thanksgiving? Or why is spiral-sliced ham reserved for religious holidays (that were intended to celebrate a Jewish rabbi who didn’t eat pork, by the way)?

What is it about these special occasion foods?

We want to preserve tradition, right?

We want to soak in the sentimentality of generations before us? Is that it?

I guess we want to make the day special. Really?

Like is it really special to put a ton of money, time, and energy into something that is so mediocre that we really never consider serving it outside of that one day?

Do you know what is unquestionably delicious? Brisket. Fried Chicken. Bolognese. Bo Ssam. Carbonara. Vanilla Bean ice cream. Tiramisu.

And yet…you willingly eat turkey.

Can you please tell me why you eat turkey?

I have a suggestion that I am sure no one will take. I am officially offering advice that no one will follow. But I’d like to present it anyway just for my conscience. I would like to suggest that, in honor of American history, you refuse to eat turkey on Thanksgiving.

Emily Deciccio wrote an article for CNBC explaining the reasons why we eat turkey on Thanksgiving. Critically, she explained that historians do not believe that turkey was eaten during the “First Thanksgiving” in 1621 and that the likely meats at the table were venison, geese and duck.

Um, hello.

Venison, geese, and duck?

Guys, I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but we’ve just decided (up there a few sentences ago, remember?) that turkey is just sort of MEH. But venison? Duck? Let’s get after it.

So this year, bring a Peking duck to the festivities. Or some lovely venison chops. Maybe bring some lamb or a cheeseburger or fried chicken. If we’re not eating things that had anything to do with the first thanksgiving, we might as well have something delicious. ☺️

Happy Thanksgiving.

- KB